My first bad day

Friday, June 8, 2012

Yet another long and exhausting Friday.. this time I'm the one who is sick boo-hoo. I seem to have caught a cold from the other children as I sniffle just about as much as they do. My sinuses are all congested and I haven't felt like doing anything all day. That didn't stop me from going to the orphanage this morning, even though I thought about staying home. The children were rowdier than ever and I had zero patience. I ended up actually yelling at one of the younger boys, Elisha. Not only did I surprise him but I surprised myself. I thought oh my goodness did that really just come out of MY mouth, did I scream "No" to a child who was only seeking my attention? A minute later the boy was in tears and despite the other kids saying another kid hit him I couldn't help but think I was the reason he was crying. The feeling I got over seeing him cry and thinking it was my fault made me feel even worse that I already did. Elisha is a tough child to deal with on any given day (I think he suffers from ADD) and I'm used to telling him no, but never to the extreme that I did this morning. The whole rest of the day I have been thinking about whether or not he would forgive me or even remember once Monday comes around. Hmm, maybe I should of taken the day off after all.

The day didn't get much better, I mean lunch was nice in town and we did some shopping with Deb's friend Iesha but I myself didn't feel much better. We went to Mbuyni market which is the biggest market in Moshi town but the whole time I didn't feel comfortable. I was warned before entering to hold on tight to my belongings because people in Mbuyni market are known to snatch your bags and run. Once inside the market there's constant noise (no unusual), people are calling out to you all around, it is hot, it smells bad from a combination of the people, trash, and the "fresh" fruit, and I just wasn't having it. I'm used to people staring at me because I guess mzungu's are still somewhat of a rarity but these stares in the market just felt different. Maybe it was a combination of me not feeling well and having a preconceived notion to be careful, but I certainly wouldn't have the desire to go back there. I have never had anything bad to say about Tanzania until now and it kind of makes me sad because bad experiences aren't what I hoped to get out of this trip. I wonder if I had gone on a day when I felt more like myself if I would have had the same reaction. Now I'm back at the house resting on my bed, hoping I will be able to get some sleep before dinner because I am exhausted. All in all it was an OK day but nothing to rave about. I'm still greatful for this opportunity and still inspired to do better but I just need to get my energy back before I take on any big tasks. Tomorrow mom and I, and hopefully Deb, are going to meet Luka at his center and spend the afternoon there. He is hosting dancing and drumming lessons with the children so it should be a fun yet relaxing way to end a busy week. Our time here will be half over tomorrow and it just doesn't seem possible... can I stay a few extra weeks?